it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
