someone get that fucking seahorse.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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