Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
