if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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