You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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