omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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