I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
