i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
