can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
