I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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