She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
