she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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