This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My balls are so social today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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