I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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