so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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