I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
