I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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