Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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