see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
