We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
