I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
