I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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