You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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