I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
