you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His hands were made for my vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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