I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
