I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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