she smelled like a LAN party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
