Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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