So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did i walk over a car last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
