Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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