He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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