I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
