so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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