sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
