wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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