He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
where are you?
Hypothermia
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
