seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
