wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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