: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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