I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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