i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
