Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
