shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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