You work out of a Hotel?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
