We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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