she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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