come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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