My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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