I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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