Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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