she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
