omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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