Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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