Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
